she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
