i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
