so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
