I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
