hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
