We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
