I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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