Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
