its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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