My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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