Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
