i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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