I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
