My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
