He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
