I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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