I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
