i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
