When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
third nipple confirmed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
