what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
