going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
