i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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