Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
