She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
