btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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