I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You smell like stripper and shame
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
