It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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