My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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