I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
