Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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