the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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