You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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