so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
