Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
time to smoke my breakfast
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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