You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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