I must be too annoying 4 u.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
