shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
