thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
