How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
