I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
