Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We smell like vodka and hangover
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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