Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
