please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
