I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
