I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
