we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
