I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
