im gay
i know
yea but for you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
