Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
