Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You left your phone here
Wait...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
