I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
