She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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