Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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