My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
